The life and times of Australia's "Nullarbor Kid". True stories from his past.

"COVER GIRL "  (Episode)

It was very early in the morning just after daybreak, cold, I was trundling through Benalla very quietly minding my own business, and no one stirred. "Hullo" I said to myself something's going on. All across the main street was rows and rows of pretty colored bunting, of red, white, and blue.

Subconsciously I thought I heard a popping sound now and then but paid no attention. As I came to the end of the main part of town I readied myself to start changing gear and pick up speed for the run to the cafe a half hour up the road I knew would be open for a coffee and could I do with a coffee. I wriggled my toes in their fur lined flying boots feeling the pins and needles and telling them they can get out and have a walk around soon. I changed up a gear and wiped the condensation from my window to look in the tiny rear vision mirror. Something didn't look right back there. I wound down the window and leant out too look at the trailer; something seemed to be dangling from the top deck.

"Bloody Hell Ray  ... What have you done"?

What I'd done was pull down half the bunting hanging across the main street.

Casting my eyes further back I could see ragged bit of bunting lying on the road and hanging forlornly down shop front verandas. One length some how was looped over a light pole and all in all it looked a bloody disaster. Obviously it was put up yesterday and during the night had dropped down with the wet and cold.

That didn't help me... what to do?

DO?  Get out of here real quick dopey before anybody sees you. The town council will present you with a nice fat bill.

Without a seconds hesitation I was "into it" changing gears as fast as I could, and getting up speed as quickly as possible. As well as being cold thank goodness it was foggy as well and so I quickly became invisible disappearing to any prying eyes. All except mine... I couldn't stop looking in the rear vision mirror and seeing to my horror great lengths of Red, White, and Blue bunting fluttering out behind me like battle ensigns on a ship about to engage the enemy. I pushed the 'old girl' as hard as I could up to the cafe and swung around the back parking area. Jumping out, I grabbed a big piece hanging down wrapping it around my arms in a ball and stuffed it under a car.

I looked at the others but I would have to climb up to the top deck to get them.

"Bugger em, I'll get a coffee first." I walked around the front and into the cafe... no one around.

"Are you open yet" I called. A voice from the kitchen called back "Not today, we are going to town" "Oh what's special to-day", I called back to the voice in the kitchen.

"Didn't you know? The Queen and Prince Phillip are visiting Benalla to-day." "Oh" I said as my wide eyes remained fixed on a spot on the wall and a cold shiver ran down my spine. The next rapid thought was "the bunting the bloody bunting, it's for her."

All sorts of thoughts were flashing through my mind. The most important one was hide the bunting quickly now.

"Ok" I yelled "See you next trip" and ran around the side of the cafe at a hundred miles an hour. A fast leap up to the trailer, with a swift climb up to the top deck, and then, Snatch, grab, pull, and throw. Down to the ground it all went, a couple of windscreen wipers pulled out of shape. Who cares... hide the bunting. A quick slide to the ground scooping them up one at a time till I couldn't see over the top of them.

What will I do with them... where to put them? Can't leave them here; I know... in the boot of one of the cars Quick the keys for the cars are in the cabin... get them. Hope no one comes out into the backyard. Keys bloody hell where's the one for this one. Got it.

All stashed away you beaut. I walked back up to the cabin with the keys as the lady from the cafe came out the back door and met me at the cabin.

"Sorry about being shut to day, can I make you a takeaway coffee."

As she was saying this I glanced over her shoulder and my heart skipped a beat.

There for all to see was the first bundle of bright colored bunting, peeking out from under the centre bottom car.

"EH no, no I'll get one up the road. Thanks all the same" as I edged her away from looking backwards.

"Yes  ... it's the biggest day Benalla has ever had you know. Everyone has been looking forward to this for so long and everybody has done so much to spruce the town up. Well I must be off" she said. 

"Yeah... me too", I replied.

She went inside and I lunged for the bunting ripping it out from under the car looked left and right, made a decision, quickly opened my large tool box next to me under the trailer and stuffed it in. Slammed the door shut, ran for the cabin and took off as quickly and as quietly as possible.

After about 20 minutes the heart came back to normal and the mind started to wander, what could they do anyway? It wasn't my fault. Then... no one knows it was me.

One hundred and fifty years earlier her family transported people for doing less than that to Botany Bay. But I live at Botany Bay... I'm already there. Where could she transport me to?  I half smiled the Caribbean would do. Ha ha.

Next thought... I'll be happier when I'm over the border into N.S.W. only about an hour away.

Traffic was quiet and instead of stopping for a break at Wodonga the Victorian side of the border I went through to Nth Albury.

As I came out after my coffee and was kicking the tires I looked down and saw some Red, White and Blue bunting hanging out of the tool box. In my hurry back there I had not been too efficient at stuffing it all in the box. A quick shuffle and it was hidden.

Delivering the cars next day imagine my stuttering when the checker wanted to know what all the flags were in one of the car boots.

"Dunno might be the Queens coming." I remarked innocently.

From; "My Way on the Highway", Copyright 2005 Ray Gilleland

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